SOCIAL MEDIA

Saturday, July 13, 2024

To my Greatest Heartbreak: A Stranger

June 27, 2024


Dear F*******,

Naaalala ko pa din noong una kitang nakilala: February 01, 2024. A High School friend introduced me to you. That time, my heart is at peace. Wala akong iniisip noon kung hindi mag aral ng Critical Care Nursing or magsimula ng mag review for my IELTS. I am bombarded with my endless thoughts kung paano ko mapapabilis ang mag apply sa US at kung paano ako magreresign sa present workplace ko plus some family issues. My mind back then was overloaded and I need rest from all these pressures in the world. Wala din akong mga ka talking stages or chatmates, wala sa plano ko mag entertain ng love kasi marami akong iniisip. 

My High School friend, L, unlike my other High School friends has been estranged from me for a decade and although same kami ng University noong college, after separating from High School, we never became so close. Hindi din nagtutugma yung vacations namin kahit pareho lang din kaming nagwowork sa parehong country overseas. Lagi kaming may misunderstandings sa group chat and I don't understand why she always feel like laging nakikipag argue with me even with the smallest of things. I did everything to win her heart, para maging close uli kami. Then one day, himala, siya ang unang nag message sa akin, telling that someone wants to make friends with me - a workmate. So yes, kahit I have no time for those things, maybe talking to someone will give me a little breather away from studying saglit, from the conflicts of my family in the Philippines and from the stressful work schedule that I have. Yes, I tried.

You seem nice from the start. We exchanged selfies, yeah, the usual cyber getting to know. I found it nice to know that we have the same profession and same pa tayo ng years of stay here in this country - 12 years. I voiced out that I want to exit, I plan to go UK or elsewhere. Some sort of career things. You were kind to listen. Back then na notice ko na din na hindi ka chat-monster like me, so it was obvious na hindi ka talaga masipag mag chat, yeah, not all people are masipag mag type like me. There were days when tamad na tamad ako magchat, kasi iniisip ko yung mga interviews ko sa US. Hindi talaga ako nakakareply for days sayo. Pero nung Valentines, yes, I greeted you. Then you replied. We sort of talked about NCLEX, INAP sort of things, then you wanting to go Japan with me. I was like "Oh, nagyayaya mag Japan agad. Bored sa buhay? Walang friends? Sabagay she's single so she can do whatever she wants. Okay nalang ako. Anyways, kung totoo man, atleast may kasama akong pupunta ng Japan, hindi katulad nung nag Hong-Kong ako mag isa. Then days passed, the chatting is not so constant eh. I am busy with my USRN things.

Then somehow, I noticed that one day, "Oh my, this person has been chatting me pero hindi ko siya pinapansin minsan, "I am so sorry, person.". The first time you tried to call me sa Messenger, I was about to prepare for my Evening Shift, I actually can answer you but I am so lazy to do so then 9 days after palang ako nag message uli. You were so consistent in replying to me na minsan nasasabi ko "Alam mo, sad ako." You never failed to listen. Kung alam ko lang that you were also hurting those times, sana noon pa mas nakinig ako, mas inexplore ko pa.

The came March, (Oh my God, the bridge to my downfall). I tried to talk to you for the first time in Videocall, we even played Mobile Legends but we lose. Hahaha. Sorry, tamad magfocus. I found you normal, yes, ok, mabait ka and all. Yes, normal. Wala lang. May kausap. Then I said I will prepare na for duty, you returned the call but hindi ako nasagot. Pre-occupied na pumasok si Sis.

Days come by, I felt so bored and with all these fastings I am doing. Yes, I then tried to call you first na. You are good. You always answer my call while yung iba mong calls hindi ko nasasaagot. I know this, I backread our convos for 10000000x. Then came those times when I feel alone and sad, I tried to call you more often, yeah, thank you for being there. I even called minutes before my interview from Florida. You gave me a sense of relief from the pressures of the world. It was a big help to my magulo and pressured mind. I think pareho lang talaga tayong bored sa buhay those times. Those bored people connecting to each other kahit technically hindi natin kilala ang isa't isa. ***Cries. Sh*t, I hate crying while typing this*** Noong mga panahong hindi ko alam ang uunahin sa buhay ko, kung paano ako mag aaral, makakapunta ng US agad, I felt so pressured and stressed, ikaw yung naging outlet ko. Nung nakakachat kita ng madalas, tinamad na akong mag-aral but I felt so light. Never knowing that unconsciously, I am becoming irrationaly attached to you. Kung alam ko lang, sana nag aral nalang ako. Joke lang. I am still grateful for your presence those times. Okay ka, sensible kang kausap, nakiking. We even had a mini NCLEX Chat Review everyday. Pero alam ko, I know, mas matalino ka kaysa sa akin.

I appreciated your everyday "Good Mornings" and "Good Nights", wala namang gumagawa sa akin nun eh unless mga naging exes ko. You "Had" me on those. Sobrang bored siguro talaga nung buhay ko those days that falling for those made it possible. ***Tears Fall. Eww. Emo***

Until you told me that your ex is talking to you again, yeah, its ok. I am even teasing you and making jokes para patawanin ka but then nakilala ko na you were a super duper SadGirl na nahihirapan mag move on na nagmahal deeply sa past relationship niya. I wonder how are you as a partner, I was like, grabe siyang magmahal, she gives everything. masaya siguro siya maging partner. I was always teasing you, at first without meaning or malice, it was nothing on me to joke flirts. Wag tayo masyado seryoso. Then day by day, the jokes were slowly getting back on me, they were becoming true. It's as if I am manifesting it so and ending it turned out to be REAL.

Oh God, when I subconsciously felt on the first days, that I am beginning to like you. Your "Good Mornings" became a big deal to me like it has been a part of my day. Kapag hindi ka nagrereply kaagad, nalulungkot ako but I was trying to deny it to myself. I was always waiting for your messages and calls. Like, what is happening to me. What is this? Hindi ko matanggap. I can't accept this.

I tried to hide it from you, pero I know you have felt that I was getting too attached to you na. I know overhelmed ka na ang sipag sipag ko ng mag chat to almost flood you with my stories unlike before. Hindi ko alam kung inawayan mo ba my attitude or my constant chats or BOTH. In short, hindi mo kinaya. Until unti unti kang naging distant sa akin. I was so sad, wala ng "Good Mornings". Anyare?

I felt so sad. Yes. Super sad. My source of little comfort faded away. Siniseenzoned mo nanga lang yung messages ko unlike before. I don't know what went wrong or what I did wrong. You changed when I realized na this is Real. I like you for Real. Ang ganda ng timing. ang sakit sakit ng timing. Believe me when I say, na hindi hinihiling na i pressure ka mag move on, na maging tayo or ano man. Your presence is enough. Tapos yun nalang nawala pa. ***Tears fall. Dimittt. I hate Crying***

Kung ikaw nagtataka bakit ako na-fall, eh paano nalang ako na na-fall mismo? Hindi ko maintindihan hanggang ngayon kung bakit. I was like, sino ba you? Hindi pa naman kita nakikita. Mataas naman ang standards ko sa relationships pero bakit ako na attach sayo? Who are you, really? Bakit ako ganito kalungkot? Bakit lagi kita iniisip? I hate this feeling! I hate my heart. I hate me!!!

April 19th, kinumusta kita, hindi tayo nagpansinan for weeks but I know dama mo sa stories ko that you were the one that I was talking about. Coldness was engulfing us. Yes, it was awkward. Pero miss na miss na kita. It kills me inside. You were replying pero cold na. My impulse attacked me that prompted me to tell you that I like you. I was too scared realizing that you were becoming a stranger to me and was detaching from me. I cried the whole day. It was heartbreaking. You said, masaydo kang nahurt sa past, hindi ka pa nakaka move on. You don't like to use a person to move on. I commend you for that. Yes, you are so honest. That is the right thing to say. I don't know what influx of emotions ate me when I lastly said that I Love You. God, how could I have said that kung hindi pa tayo nagmimeet? But should I invalidate it? Kung pwede ko lang iinvalidate at babalik tayo sa dati, nakipag bargain nalang sana ako kay Lord. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko padin alam kung Love ba to, attachment or infatuation or product lang ng Mental Condition ko. Iyak ako ng iyak that time kasi alam ko, mawawala ka na. After saying that, things will never be the same again.

Syempre, emotion palagi pinapairal ni Sis. I tried still to kamustahin ka on the first week of May pero cold ka parin. Worse than before. I knew it. Para lang akong nag sprinkle ng salt sa sugat ko na fresh pa. Ang hapdi. Ang sakit. So nag emote emote ako sa group namin and one day my Frenemy teased my with pictures of you sa group, so sinakyan ko, oh well, ako paba. My emote back then were just comedic sarcasm although true. Triggered si Sis. Nag rant sa akin ng kung ano anong masasakit na paratang and all. Yes, she have a point. I accept her point pero sana nag PM nalang siya kaysa sa group pa nilagay. I tried to defend myself, explained my side, that mahabang message is true. Yes, actually kakasabi ko lang din sa unang pharagraphs ng blog na to. Sorry if that offended you pero it doesn't mean that I feel for you any less. What I am feeling for you is "so much." I blocked you both because I am scared of arguments, I am so much in pain.

A week after, I unblocked you while I am in OPD for my Hemoglobin check. Hindi kita kayang tiisin. Mahalaga ka sa akin. My Hb then turned out to be 7. So my consultant adviced me to be admitted for Blood Transfusion. It was my weakest point. My mental and physiological health were both declining. Noong nakahiga na ako sa ward, I checked you in my Messenger, you blocked me na pala and that is a "DOUBLE KILL MOMENT EVER!". Imagine ubos na dugo mo tapos yung taong sabihin nalang natin na "mahal" mo blocked you. I felt like I want to disappear. Like "Lord, ano bang ginawa kong mali sa earth to deserve all of these."

June came, I misscalled you because I miss you so much. I actually don't want to call you. Gusto ko lang mafeel na nagriring yung number, it was enough for me but you called back a lot of times. Ayoko na sana magreact. Back then, I came to my friend's room. I told M that I cannot pursue talking to you, I don't feel brave. I am scared. Then sabi ko, sige nga, pag sinagot ikaw kumausap? Game siya. Sana all. And you answered, nakipag kwentuhan ka pa. Like, ano to? Thank you for that.

That night I told my friend, sige nga punta tayo sa RT. Game? Booking the hotel first yeah, tapos flight. Believe me, pang 3rd day after namin mag book ayaw ko na tumuloy, I felt then na hindi ka magpapakita. I fought my gut feels. My friend even messaged you, and dun pa lang pinafeel mo na na hindi ka pa ready makita ako. Kaso bookings were made. So what to do? I still pursued it kahit my heart says "NO".

Hindi ko na ikkwento what happened exactly when we came there. Una, pagod na ako magtype, 12am na, Birthday salubong ko ito ang tinatype ko. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SELF!

R****, alam ko na madaming conflicts sa atin. Mga wounds na baka hindi na mag heal. After ko magpunta ng RT, or even before, I promised myself na huling effort ko na yun na gagawin to reach you out. I am sincerely sorry kung napressure kita or you felt uncomfortable. Kung nafeel mo na hindi kita nirespeto and all. Pero sana kahit saglit manlang, sumagi manlang sana sa puso mo na hindi ko ginagawa na mag reach out sayo to disturb you. Gusto ko lang isave yung friendship kahit basag na. Paano nga naman tayo magiging friends kung isa sa atin may feelings for the other? Paano tayo magiging friends kung noon palang naging cold kana sa akin? Paano tayo magiging friends kung pareho tayong nasaktan sa conflict namin ni L sa groupchat namin? Hindi man ako umiyak sa RT, pero days after namin magpunta dun, everyday I am breaking down. Hindi ko magets kung bakit ako sumusugal sa tao na wala namang pakialam sa akin. Na bakit lagi kitang naiisip at nalulungkot ako sa nangyari. Hindi ko kahit kailan naging intensyon na magkaroon ng relationship sa yo sa state mo ngayon kasi alam ko yung pain na pinagdadaanan mo pero bakit mo naman ako ni- left behind? Bakit ka biglang nagbago? Actually, alam ko naman kung bakit pero wala akong intensyon na pilitin kang magka feelings sa akin tulad ng feelings ko sayo.Your existence is enough. It hurts to know na hindi ka na nag eexist ngayon.

After I went to RT, I consulted a Psychologist to help me heal my impulsivity and my emotions. The pain I had done to myself is so deep that I know in my heart that I need professional help, hindi lang sa issue na ito kundi sa iba pang aspects ng life ko.

Gusto kong patawarin ang sarili ko sa mga impulsive choices na nagawa ko. Gusto kong i heal ang puso ko. Nilaban ko kasi lahat. Binigay ko lahat to fight for your existence kahit hindi ka pa ready na harapin ako at hindi ko na alam kung magkakabati pa tayo. Mahirap pero I need to let go of these feelings. The hurt, the loneliness and the love. Hindi naman agad agad mawawala, naiisip pa din kita palagi pero sana dumating yung araw na hindi na.

Sana kung ipapahintulot ni Lord God na magkita tayo in the future, nagdadasal ako na maging kaibigan kita. Ipinagdadasal ko na sana palagi kang healthy at masaya. It hurts to know na I know hindi ako ang para sayo pero kung makita mo man yung taong mamahalin mo balang araw, I am praying na maging masaya ka. After all ng nangyari, mas nananaig yung pagmamahal sa puso ko. Gusto ko yun lang ang manaig hindi yung memories ng conflicts natin. Sana maramdaman mo naman na may taong nagmamahal sa yo from afar na gusto lang yung kabutihan mo, na lagi kang masaya. Pero hindi ko na din ineexpect yun. Baka nga kinalimutan mo na ako after all ng mga nangyari. Palagi kang nasa puso ko. Sa sandaling panahon na nakilala kita, ngayon lang ako nasaktan ng ganito. Thank you for being my Greatest Lesson as well as my Greatest Heartbreak.

I Love You.


-FF


Sunday, April 25, 2021

Long Beach, San Vicente Palawan: The Longest White Beach in the Philippines

 

The serene shore of the Long Beach in the afternoon.

Having visited some popular shores in the Philippines, the Long Beach found in San Vicente Palawan was one of my lifetime favorites. The province is renowned for its world class tourism showcasing the very famous El-Nido, Coron, the luxurious Amanpulo or the far Balabac but this beach has a lot to offer just like the other beaches of the province. My visit last 2018 was unforgettable. I was invited as one of the bloggers to feature the very first Palawan International Film Festival spearheaded by our very own Director Dante Nico Garcia, the head behind the world class film Ploning. The festival not only gave us a glimpse of the movie entries but also of nature unspoiled in the quiet town of San Vicente. We reached the town after more than three hours from the provincial capital of Puerto Princesa via private van. Another method is through plane as San Vicente has its own airport catering direct flights for different airlines.


Look at those gorgeous colors of the sand and the sea.

The great Long Beach of San Vicente Palawan is the longest white sand beach in the Philippines. The sand is not as total white like Boracay’s, it is more of light beige and the texture is fine just like in some islands in El-Nido. It is one of the most promising tourist destinations that are predicted to rival the mainstream beaches in the Philippines although deep inside me, I hope that it could be preserved just as it is because of its virginity to commercial tourism and that its local residents will continue to take care of the beach for generations to come. The beachfront of 14.7 kilometers spans in four barangays that you can tour by a motorcycle or a car, those barangays are Poblacion, New Agutaya, San Isidro and Alimanguan.


This is me falling in love at the first sight of the beach!

Strolling through the expanse of the long beach gives you a relaxing vibe that could release all your stress and worries if you want to refresh your mental health and take a break as there are no huge crowds along the area. Those coconut trees along the Rocky Mountains surrounding the sea are just so divine and truly worth the travel. The sea is perfect as waves were high the afternoon. The color of the beach water is greenish blue turquoise, an eye candy for beach lovers.

Tropical vibes!

If you plan for more adventures to do in the town, you can try Island Hopping in Port Barton and nearby Islands and visit Bato ni Ningning, the landmark that will give you a full view of the long beach up high.


Look at those waves!

Sunset at GaStation. #InternationalPalawanFilmFestival

Priceless Sunset.

Serenity.


Thursday, April 22, 2021

Turkish Food Delight: Tolie Restaurant in Abha, Saudi Arabia



Tolie Restaurant is a Turkish Specialty Restaurant located in King Faisal Street, Abha 62521. If you are craving for authentic quality Turkish delicacy while enjoying the great city view of Abha then this restaurant is a must try. After a day tour in the Saudi Arabia’s summer capital our group decided to have a dinner, to try some Turkish food and it did not disappoint. The price may be slightly hefty, hence considering the overall cuisine, staff service and great ambiance it would be all totally worth it.






For a group of six persons, we ordered Chicken Wings, Humus, Mix Grill and Chicken Belen Tava, Muttabal for the main dish added by Fattoush Salad as side dish. They also served us Fresh Orange, Fresh Lemonade and Watermelon Juice.

My personal favorite is the Mix Grill, composed different kinds of meat; it is a delight for meat lovers out there. The grill is so tender and flavorful.  The Humus is great for dipping some breads and mixing with rice or meat. The drinks are refreshing and very natural in taste. They also serve complimentary Turkish sweets and tea after the meal.







Staff service was also great. The personnel were always quick to help if we need something or answer inquiries regarding the menu. They were also friendly and accessible with smiles on their faces.



The ambiance is one of the great things we enjoyed; looking through the night lights of the city of Abha gives off a warm feel with all the nature decorations and fancy lights all over the place. The aesthetic is good for your social media sites and group pictures.

 You may reach out their site for the menu: https://www.overmenu.store/tolie

Instagram:  http://www.instagram.com/tolie_restorant

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Rijal Almaa Royal Heritage Village in Asir Region, Saudi Arabia


Rijal Almaa, also known as Royal Heritage Village is a historical tourism destination located in Asir Region, Saudi Arabia. It is 45 km far from the regional capital Abha. Rich in historical significance, the village consists of 60 tall buildings made from clay, wood and stone that are conserved for today’s generation. It is also a landmark connecting passage to other provinces and cities like Gizan, Makkah, Madinah and the country of Yemen. The architectural designs of the old fortresses are so unique as well as its historical significance being a center of trace during the ancient times. It is so photogenic that it will give off great pictures for your social media and learn about history at the same time.



Also found inside the village is a museum that exhibits a collection of interesting archeological pieces like ancient manuscripts, tools, clothing and weapons. Feeding your history geek self is a library inside the complex showcasing a huge variety of religious manuscripts.


Last 2007, Rijal Almaa was given the Prince Sultan Bin Salman Award for Urban Heritage. It has been announced that the government is on application for the site to be a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Truly, an important tourist spot to visit in Saudi Arabia.




Photo Credits to Ms. Rachelle Jane Lagura and Ms. Arnella Bontong.

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Visiting Al-Soudah National Park in Abha


Al Soudah National Part is a part of a tourism village in Abha, Asir Region in Saudi Arabia. A vast place surrounded by huge mountain ranges you will enjoy sightseeing if you want a good joyride. Some do trekking and mountaineering within the terrains. Visitors enjoy the cool and humid climate due to its high altitude, a perfect summer destination.

We left Abha, City at evening then arrived on the mountains before twilight. We were amused by the geographical mountain structures surrounding the place with all the Juniper trees. Those rocky roads gave wonder on how they were formed.  It feels like a slow roller coaster ride while the sunset was approaching. There were fogs all over. One thing I love were the baboons, a huge number of these monkeys were playing and running around the edges of the mountainsides. Be sure to lock up your car window of they might go inside. You can bring bananas if you consider feeding them.












I advise you to visit the place before sunrise so that you can enjoy a clear view of the mountains as well as appreciate the setting sun. Truly, Al Soudah is a wonderful attraction worth visiting.

Photo Credits to Ms. Mei-Ye Madarimot and Ms. Rachelle Lagura.

Sunday, December 06, 2020

Makan Indian Fine Dining Restaurant - Najran City

If you are looking for good quality fine dining Indian Restaurant in Najran City, Maka Indian Fine Dining Restaurant is perfect for you Indian Cuisine cravings. Situated in 4447 Abu Bakr Al-Siddiq Street, Najran, Saudi Arabia, they offer a wide range of Indian Cuisine in their menu. The ambiance is great with decorations and artworks depicting Indian Culture. Staff service is excellent and friendly. We enjoyed the Buttered Chiken and Masala, as Filipinos we requested for a less spicy taste so they adjusted the spiciness for us. All dishes were tasty from the appetizer to the main menu.












Credits to Ms. Ma. Catherine Sunico for most of the Photos.

Saturday, December 05, 2020

Four Words to describe Boracay’s Famous Sunset


It is no surprise that from the discovery of Boracay Island in the 70s to being a multi-awarded world-class destination, the island’s fame rose to the pedestal putting the biodiversity and its environment at risk from overcrowding of tourists. After its six months rehabilitation last 2018, it remains glorious as one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. Who would not be captivated of its powdery white sand, clear waters and one of a kind sunset? As we had this Paraw (double outrigger sailboats) Sailing Tour, I dared to take hold of my camera along with the heavy flashes of water as we sail in the middle of the sea. There would be no exact definitive word to describe the feeling of facing the sunset while you are in a boat but here are the five words I could give after witnessing this majestic nature spectacle.

UNIQUE. They say that Boracay’s Sunsets are not the same day after day. This might be literally true; hence, in my four days stay in the island watching sunsets every dawn, there are different forms. In the first day, it was fiery red orange while in the second day it was yellowish-pink and so on. It was like looking on a different artwork day after day.

ENCHANTING. Watching the beautiful Boracay Sunset makes you feel like you were being enchanted by Mother Nature. There is some kind of a magical feeling making you feel like you were in a different world.

BREATHTAKING. The moment the sun start to set is a show like no other. It will surely take your breath away.

PHOTOGENIC. For sure you want to put your memories on photos. Taking photos of the sunset in Boracay does not need to you to out on filters. The natural colors of the sky is enough to put away picture-editing tools to enhance it. It is must in your travel goals to take good photos of you with the island’s sunset when visiting.

 

I have been blessed to have taken good shots while we are on a Paraw. I was a beginner in using a DSLR back then but here are the settings:

Camera: Canon 600D

Lense: 35-55 mm

ISO: 400

Aperture: f5-22

Shutter Speed: 1/200 sec

Boracay Station 1