Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heartbreak. Show all posts

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Dealing with Unexpected Love

There were billions of people in the planet. Every day, as we do the activities of our daily living, we see different kinds of persons like those we bump in the train as we go to work, vendors in the sidewalks, and party people in the bar or those souls in the cyberworld aiming to fulfil their thirsty hearts in search for companions or future partners. In every, they say someone will come someday who will capture our hearts, the person whom we will feel that very complex emotion caused by attraction and chemical reactions, could bring us in the state of euphoria and intense pains as well; that thing we call love.

The questions are: Do we have the choice to choose who? Is there a right love for all of us? Could we stop love from happening from the beginning? Indeed, love is mysterious, we will never know when, where or who.  Having a heartbreak is not a joke. It may come into a scenario when we are not prepared. Many stumble, fall into a deep black hole of emptiness or the worse, depression.

First Question: “Do we have the choice to choose who to love?”

My answer to this is a big “NO”.  As a Bisexual, love does have no label. You could say that you were raised into a very philosophic, religious environment with teachings of the ideal and morally right way to love but never could
 you predict who you are going to be attracted in the future.

In another scenario, we can choose to learn to love somebody but we could not really stop our hearts from feeling that intense emotion for someone. Believe me, not all marriages are perfect. Once you have met your true love, time and situations might separate you apart, but for a lifetime that one person will remain inside you.

Is there an ideal person? As someone who is single, once in our lives we create these hopes of an ideal partner we were praying for every single night. Some pray for a prince charming, which will make them feel like a princess. Others wish for someone compatible with their mental capabilities and passions. As for myself, I always pray for someone who is passionate as me in terms of my hobbies and interests. Like “Lord, bigyan mo naman ako ng partner na mahilig magsulat o yung may alam sa photography. Ok din yung mahilig mag travel, kahit hindi ganun ka-attractive pwede na sa akin basta matalino.”  In reality, love is a feeling we will just feel no matter who the person is. Believe me, even the ugliest person in the world, if that emotional reaction will come, we could never stop it.

Third, the most complicated one: Can we not feel love for a person who is in a relationship or married? They say love is a choice but really? Some of us right now condemn people who choose to have relationship with taken ones. We often judge affairs and other women without looking at their scenarios. Not all of us are the same. Some are so weak enough to run away from love. When you are in love, nothing is right or wrong; sometimes we will do everything, never mind the dangers, the people for the person we love. At times, we have no choice, love came and conquered us.

Second Question: Is there a right love for all of us?

My answer is YES. That so-called “right love” is not someone who checks us 24/7, neither the one who could give us the moon and stars nor the one who could cross the seven seas for us. The right love is the person we feel complete with. He is the person that could make us feel secured, happy and contented without doubts. The person is right when we see ourselves fulfilled by his presence, by that we would not look away no matter what happens and when we do, either not by choice, should we question ourselves “Is this still right?”. Love is right when you see yourself with that person in the future, no one else.

Third Question: Could we stop love from happening in the beginning?

NO. Well, I charge it to experience. No matter how you condition yourself and say “Hindi ako maiinlove. No way.”  It will come to you like a thief in the night, then you will wake up one day, your heart is beating fast and you are lost. No matter how you say to yourself that you are not ready or hard hearted, if it will come, it will.

We never could control love. All we can do is handle it in a way that we won’t let it consume us, change us or make us attached from our selves. Loving someone would bring us happiness and inevitably, heartaches as well. In the end of the day, we have the choice what to do to manage ourselves. Not all love does have happy endings but I believe that verse in 1 Corinthians 13:8 “Love never fails.” We may not end to be together with the one we love with that once in a lifetime person, whom will be I our hearts for a lifetime, but true love won’t ever fail and if it does, it is not love at all.

If ever you are in a situation where you feel broken or being bugged by an unexpected love, just always remember that God put us where we are now because He has a purpose. We may never know it by now, but I do believe someday, in the right time and place, He will. He gave us these people we love for a certain purpose. Heartbreaks are inescapable, but prayers help. Surrendering our hearts and the future to God is the best thing to do. Lately, someone told me “Why does fate give us these people? There is probably a reason.” Being lost and confused are normal, what I have learned today is that you should understand that not all things go in perfect place we want them to be but we could create our own place where things may go well because we value them. These people who came by were blessings, no matter how they came from or who they are. Their status or situations should not hinder us to know and feel the love we have for them. There goes that old saying by Alfred Tennyson “Better to have loved than never have loved at all.”


Friday, March 01, 2013

How to overcome bitterness from a heart break?

As human beings, each one of us experienced romantic love, a love felt for a certain special person of the opposite sex or even the same with attraction and inexplicable reasons. There are sub feelings relating into it, the main one is the happiness. Whenever we are with our special someone, we feel secured, happy, excited, twisted, and even his/her slightest look could make us berserk. But not all love stories are requited and blissful at all. In reality, people with mutual love for each other are very lucky but how about those whom experiencing one-sided love, breakups, death or loss of a partner? To feel love is to endure also the pain. They said that love was not true if you do not feel any pain relating to it. Some pain could last an amount of time but some strong people cope up and move on easily, I could say it depends on the psychological strength of a person.

How to overcome bitterness when you are stagnant and feels like you can’t even know how to stop yourself from feeling the pain?


Here are some of my personal tips:


1. Talk to God and reflect on His words. Praying might sound boring for some modern day youth but it is God who knows the real purpose of the pain and if you communicate with Him, your burdens will lessen. He knows what is best for us. Reading the scriptures could also help. Whatever religion or faith each of one does have, for sure our sacred books contain texts related to love and moving forward, we just have to keep them by heart.


2. Make yourself busy. Being busy with things you like or would like could help lessen excessive thinking that could make you unmoved with those heavy emotions. Putting up your mindset into useful channels could also make you productive as well. Doing simple household chores, going out with friends or grooming a pet are examples.


3. Try something new. New things would also make you forget painful things little by little as you began to explore the world around you. Having a new look and hairdo, new book to read and new hobbies are such good examples. The world is so huge and life is short, there are no reasons not to explore and enjoy.


4. Write. Not all of us loves pen and paper or blogging but whenever you're stressed or have no one to talk to, you can have your own diary to open up all unwanted emotions you feel or at least make a blog post of a poem or essay but be sure to take care whenever you post something personal on the internet. One day, when you have already recovered, read them again and definitely, you will smile or laugh.


5. Meet new people. There are millions of fishes in the sea, so why focus on one that is already caught, dead or swam away? Making new friends makes you feel comfortable and have fun. There are online dating sites out there or even friends of friends, you can meet people whom you have similar interests with like in a book club if you love books or fans club if you were having the same favorite celebrities. Organizations for a cause also provides more exposure to different people. Please do beware or take care because we do not know them so we have to secure ourselves in meeting new friends.


6. Forget the past and cherish the present. It is true that forgetting painful heartaches takes a lot of time but we have to let go even those good memories associated with them if they would just make us feel unhappy knowing the reality that they would never ever be the same again or come back. If we live in the shadows of the past, our lives will not move forward causing our lives to be dull and chained. We should make the best our present lives because our future would depend on what we do today.


7. Forgive someone who caused you pain as well as yourself. In forgiving someone, you are also releasing your inner conflicts with yourself. Anger is unhealthy and would cause us to be bitter, hate the world and not trust other people. We live in an imperfect world; we may never fully forget what they have done, at least in our hearts, all that hatred will be washed away. Forgiving ourselves is also fundamental in a sense that how could be forgive the person, the situation if we cannot forgive our own selves? There are plenty of time to start again and to become stronger and wiser, we just have to think that things have already happened and we cannot go back to that time and situation anymore. -faf